This is a weird semester. I have very little homework. I sleep a lot, which makes it hard to go to sleep at night. I’m was listening to my iPod in bed, finally feeling like I could post here. Feeling like I need to post here. So I got up and came over to my desk. I generally don’t like to write, but I’ve been doing a lot of it lately. I keep a prayer journal and post to two other blogs. I like this one best, because no one I know of reads it. It makes it easier to write things.
I feel like I want to cry, but I have nothing to cry about. Life is good, I have great friends and my immediate future is all figured out. I am thankful for the things I have, and I know this peace won’t last. God never promised this life would be easy, but then why does it seem as though my life has been. It’s like I’m just waiting for something bad to happen, so that I can grow in my faith. I struggle with things, little things. But, God is faithful. He is working with me through them. I am growing closer to God, Jesus, My Savior everyday. I can feel him in my life, and am hearing him in a way I have never before. But, this too, will not last. He is always near, but I won’t always feel it. I will relish these moments while they are here. I’m thinking about the last four years. So many things have changed, so many memories, so many mistakes, so many good jokes. I have changed, mostly for the better. I have so much life left to live. I have so many memories still to record. I am excited and fearful about my future, but putting that aside for now; trying to soak in these precious moments I have left at school. For the first time in awhile, I don’t have a crush on any boy. I think more about the people I want to lead to God, than about whether or not some boy finds me attractive. I know that I am beautiful, but still finding it out. I am God’s creation, and God comes first in my life. He is what makes me different, unique, me. It seems like nothing in life is ever concluded. I will always be learning, growing, figuring out who I am and who God is. My faith will always be growing. I will always be getting to know new people and trying to keep in touch with the old. People come and go, and I stay here on the path set before me. Hopefully I will see most of them in Heaven, for eternity. But, some of them I won’t. A song by downhere comes on my iPod that reflects how I feel. This is the chorus:
As I wander the streets of gold
Talk to all the friends I’ve known
We’ll go adore the Master King,
Then only then I’ll be breathing in.